Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
