Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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