All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
