Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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