is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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