I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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