she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
