u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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