When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
