One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
