he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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