And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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