I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
