You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
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I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
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I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic