Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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