i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good