What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.