I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.