He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
A+ Viking dick
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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