meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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