This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
