just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
