come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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