WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
