I think I am morally bankrupt
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
