when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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