I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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