hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
