they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
