walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
