I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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