Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
