Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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