It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
