you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.