Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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