i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral