why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.