girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
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Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
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Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.