a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk