we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
