ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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