The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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