Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
you had me at cake vodka
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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