Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
