It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
