well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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