Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
