my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
