She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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