the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
