Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
