Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
