So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
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I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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