So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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