Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
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I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
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His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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