You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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