Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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