The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
