you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
