Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
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