My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
