had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Actions speak louder than pants.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
