Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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