Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
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Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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