I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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