In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I made him laugh his dick is mine
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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