R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You were trust falling into bushes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
