so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
